Rom Com Roundup: Good Luck Chuck [9 of 30]
Posted by S. Stills in E, Good Luck Chuck, movies, Rom Com Roundup
[Rom Com Roundup is a project where I watch 30 romantic comedies I've never seen from now until valentine's day and document how it affects my outlook on love. (Link to the full list of movies)]
First off, I'm way way behind. I can't imagine why I haven't had time to watch movies this past week, it's not like anything important was happening in DC. So the long and short of it is, the Rom Com Roundup is going into hyperdrive, and the order and list of movies will change based on what I can get my hands on the fastest. But I couldn't disappoint everyone who warned me that Good Luck Chuck would actually break my brain. Because I'm a masochist, here you are....the ruination of my fucking dignity and self-worth.
The Movie: Good Luck Chuck
The Blurb: A guy spurns a goth chick in a game of spin the bottle in high school, resulting in a hex that dooms him to never be able to hold on to love while it sprouts all around him. Whoever thought this kid would grow up to be nuclear wastepile Dane Cook, whose ex-girlfriends have now spread the rumor that after having sex with him, they'll meet their true love. Wow, that must REALLY suck for him now that all these ridiculously hot women want to have sex with him so they can leave him alone and get married to someone else (y'know, cuz uggos don't need true love anyway). So he meets the love of his life, who ALSO happens to be smoking hot but a total klutz. She's also Jessica Alba, so she allegedly has herpes, so there's that. After he falls in love with her, he tries to avoid having sex with her as long as possible. But when he finally does have sex with her, he learns he has to let her go if it's really meant to be. Oh also, a penguin bites his dick.
The Conventions: Retarded cretin friend, sex montage?, cute animals, and every single song in the soundtrack or score.
Did I Cry: Absolutely not.
Current State of Mind: Look, there's no two ways around it. This is a god awful, terrible fucking movie. It's an assault on your intelligence, your dignity, your respectability, and everything that's true and real in this country. You think I'm exaggerating? This movie goes out of its way to offend you, either through pointlessly awful toilet humor, mean spirited jokes at the expense of fat and/or ugly people, and the fact that you have to watch people think Dane Cook is attractive and/or charming. But it's not the simple fact that this movie has any of those, it's the extent the movie will go in each of these realms. It's not just toilet humor or sex jokes, you ACTUALLY see Dane Cook's boner through his underwear. It's not just fat or ugly people, it's obese whales full of acne and pubic hair leaking out of her bikini. And it's not just Dane Cook acting, it's Dane Cook doing his whole fucking bit in sporadic parts of this movie. It's not just Dane Cook having sex, it's Dane Cook having sex with tons of topless, ridiculous hot women in graphic detail. And believe me, these are all blazingly offensive to every single corner of your soul.
And y'know what sucks? The fact that this movie actually kinda managed to cobble together a semblance of an emotional center. True, it inhabits about 10 minutes, no scratch that, 5 minutes of the whole movie, but it's there. There's something moderately compelling about the conceit, a guy who's a stepping stone to real relationships and can't hold on to the only girl he wants. But if ever a real, legitimate moment pops up (like, the pebble at the end, sure it's writing on the level of a middle schooler, but a really creative middle schooler), the movie's completely content to ruin it five seconds later with a fart or boner joke. There was even one "serious" scene where I laughed in the face of the tv...yeah, I RAN UP to the tv to LAUGH AT IT, it was so fucking terrible. Ugh, JUST TERRIBLE. UGH! A PENGUIN SHITS, AND THEN EATS ITS OWN SHIT! WHY!?!??!
UGH. What is my current state of mind. I have no fucking idea. If you love something, set it free. Thanks Good Luck Chuck, I needed to watch a movie to learn something that I could read off a fucking fortune cookie. And as for the thoughts on love in my own life?....................I got nothing.
Up Next: Kissing Jessica Stein...I called an audible, b/c I need to watch a film with some quality or else I'll seriously have an aneurysm.
